In the Pursuit of Motivation

I feel really alone right now. None of the friends I called were available to talk. I just haven't been very motivated lately. Things seem pretty pointless to me. At the end it still seems that no matter what there will be superiors ruling over inferiors. I don't know where this state of being of mine will lead. Will it radicalize me? Will it turn me into a nihilist? Will I end up like Mathieu from Sartre's "The Age of Reason"? I sure identified with him when reading the novel. I don't know what I'll become. I'll probably follow the path I've set out for myself. I'll have important successes. Perhaps the answers will come unexpectedly as I advance in my journey. Perhaps I just need to keep learning in order to gain the best preparation possible for the future. The problem is that I need to have a purpose I believe in in order to do something. I need to see the value in the act, which is a great challenge for me most of the time. It's hard to see the value in reading social science texts when I see the preeminent scholars playing a negligible role in the positive transformation of our society. Sure, perhaps we'd be much worse off without them and I'm not giving them enough credit--but I don't think so. And so instead of using my time to learn supposedly important things, I use it to do pretty much nothing of importance.

I don't know if I just need a break from the big city or if it's time to charge forward on some concrete tasks. Probably what I'm most passionate about is reorganizing the work world. I like the idea of co-ops and the like. This article gives me hope. So then maybe I should read Polanyi's "The Great Transformation" (this is my homework for the weekend). Perhaps I need to just charge forward on these economic, education, and media issues all at once. Education liberates, right? Yes it does. Yes it does.