Why am I Doing This?

School is about to start up again. I'm looking to finalize my schedule. I need one more class. I'm trying to do some kind of education internship for my last class. Hopefully it'll work out well. But I have something more important to say. I've realized that what I really want to explore in my studies are questions related to purpose. Why am I at school studying the particular phenomena I'm studying? Why am I living my life the way I'm living it? Is there a better way? What does it mean to act on principle? How would my principles demand I deal with the educational system I'm studying within? I suppose I should take a class on existentialism, but I'm not gonna be at school at 9 in the morning on Fridays. That would be against my principles.

You see, I get this feeling of absurdity when I think about the way things are done at my school. "Why should I do this?" I am constantly asking myself. Oh, I know the professors wouldn't have good answers. They mostly just follow what existed before them. This is the reason they assign papers the way they do. Ah, but this shouldn't affect me negatively anymore. I should know how to deal with these absurdities by now. So I'm cool. I just need to focus on my real goals. I need to focus on what I want to devote my life to. This means simply doing what's necessary for those goals.

I believe in the power of knowledge. I believe that through exposure to insightful information the world can be transformed. This process isn't running nearly as strongly as it should, therefore, being one that realizes this, I feel obligated to do everything in my power to get this process running as it ought. The way I see it, this task is essentially one of information creating and distribution. So this is what I need to do.

To be continued . . . (I think)

Purposeful Writing

I have an old paper to finish up for a sociology class. The problem I face is figuring out something worth writing about. I didn't choose to attend my school to play games, my intention was to learn. I have no problem writing papers when I see some good coming of them, but that's the hard part: what difference is a paper I write for a class going to make. So my challenge is to figure out how to write something that actually matters.

It's not that actions matter and words don't; words surely matter; they just have to be the right words at the right time. But what is that? What words are needed in what context? I suppose I can do much more with my words, but I need to know what ought to be done first. I have some ideas, which I've expressed in previous posts. However, I'm of course still learning. That is why I'm still in school. I need to figure out what ought to be done through reading books and participating in intelligent conversation with supposed experts.

I suppose what I should do is apply sociological analysis to today's problems. Can looking at the manufacture of the goods we buy through a phenomenological shed important insight? I think so. I wonder what type of work the "public sociology" advocates have produced? Apparently nothing to popular, since I'm clueless about their work, yet have heard plenty about things like the TV show or whatnot called "True Blood" without putting the slightest effort into it. This stuff in people's minds and on advertisements that inevitably make contact with my eyes, so I find out. Why can't public sociology be this way? Why wasn't everyone talking about Bill Moyers Journal back when it was still on the air? Why do most people seem to like True Blood better? How exactly is the world of thoughts constructed? What is the role of agency in this construction? How does our environment facilitate or hinder our ability to participate in new alternatives? What environmental factors are most responsible for the frustration so many people feel in their lives?

I suppose for now on I can integrate public documents and conversations into my writings. The purpose of this would be to be part of those conversations. There are topics and there are people talking about those topics and some of those people have special credibility, which means what they say is paid extra attention to. It only makes sense to engage with the material that is paid most attention too. Even in the cases when the conversations paid most attention too are of low intellectual quality, one can highlight higher quality work in the discussions of the conversations.

So my attempt is to be purposeful. I aim to do this in my writing as well as in the other areas in my life. It seems insane to me that it's been so difficult to achieve a high level of purposefulness in my life even at this stage of my life, but I guess that's just how it goes with human existence at this historical period. However, the tide might soon be turning.

The Next Step in the Path to Progress

It should be clear to everyone that a fundamental problem in our society is narrow thinking. Kenneth Boulding called the problem "suboptimization," meaning the phenomenon of figuring out how to most efficiently do something we shouldn't be doing at all. What we need as a response to this tendency is holistic thinking. We need to fully take into consideration the externalities of our endeavors. We need to spend our time figuring out how to fulfill our desires without without burdening anyone. Work doesn't have to be by nature something we dread. Or am I being too Utopian? Do too many boring jobs need to be done regardless of the circumstances? Is biting the bullet inevitable? I don't know, but certainly the economic situation could be much improved. However, human emotion cannot be ignored if we intend to make a substantial gain. We must strive to maximize net per capita happiness, not per capita income. But since the conditions influencing a human's mental state are so complex we must work much more collaboratively and strive toward a fully holistic perspective through these interdisciplinary collaborations.

How much will the world change if we start acting on the basis of these just mentioned principles? It's hard to say, but it's no stretch to believe that out ways of life could drastically change. Perhaps a mass migration might occur in order to better meet our needs. Perhaps organizational structures will be transformed. Perhaps the nation-state system will disintegrate. I cannot predict the future. What I am working toward right now is simply getting these interdisciplinary collaborations together.

But what will these collaborations actually lead to in the short to medium term? I imagine they will lead to new organizational structures and projects to create the conditions that will enable the citizens to play the roles they must play in order to make this vision of substantive social progress a concrete reality. So surely media resources will have to be made available to the people to enable them to vote, shop, and work intelligently. These resources would also have to facilitate the establishment of alternatives to the old ways of doing things. I am confident that people want alternatives; it is largely the lack of a reliable mechanism for creating alternatives that has been keeping us back. But this can all change. And if my comrades and I have our way, it will change very soon.

General Rant Against Humanity

I value this blog as a communicative medium. I'd like to exchange significant ideas with others. It's cool when the readers have blogs and we follow each other and comment on each other's posts--you know, like a conversation. I like to talk to people about big issues, but I don't get the opportunity to do that as much as I'd like.

Oh and this concept of significant, it irks me when I'm in an existentialist mood, which is most of the time these days. Look, people do things. Some do them well and some poorly. So what? I feel like New York emphasizes those parts of humanity I hate the most: the obsession with image, the pursuit of status. But then I think to myself, "there are so damn many of them, how can I possibly change this?" Well I can at least insult them every chance I get. That's what they get for making me unhappy.

Look, dressing with style is great, just do it with a conscience, do it reflexively. Who the hell made that stunning pair of pants you want? What else could you put that money into? People feel ashamed if they buy less prestigious brands, and so they pay the big bucks for the fancy French names of whatnot. They have to show they're high class with the clothes they wear. Make your own damn clothes and make it better than what's out there. No one will have your same dress, guaranteed. Yeah yeah, who can do that? I know. Well maybe we should learn how to make clothes in school. Why not? We should learn how to make material too. And while we're at it let's also learn to farm. Goddamn I sound like a hippie right now. Oh well.

I just want a better world. I desperately want this. But people need to change their behavior. Well, I suppose I just need to convince them to do this. How do I do this. The challenge feels so overwhelming. I want people to be reflexive and Utilitarian. Is that too much to ask. Oh I hear all you cynics saying "Yes." Go to hell. Perpetuate shitty societies there. Well I suppose the big thing is that these conversations hardly ever occur. Why not? Everyone is too busy? Well we should have these conversations. Don't worry about hurting people's feelings: they deserve it. It's also for their own good. Do I sound like an elitist? I don't care.

So tomorrow I want to live a better life. Will someone help me please. How about you collaborate with me. It'll be easier that way. Look, I want to buy stuff that is ethically made. I do a horrible job of this currently. God, maybe I should start my own businesses, because what I'm looking for is hardly ever out there. Yes, this is a huge deal because a great deal of our human interaction is within the economic sphere: w/ salesmen, checkout clerks, bus drivers, etc--it depends on your lifestyle of course. And besides the direct interaction there is the indirect interaction through the market signals we send and receive.

Ok, I'm tired now, so I'm gonna go to sleep. Goodnight.

More Thoughts

Hello, my friends.

I'll be moving into my new place on Sunday, but I feel much more settled in my temporary place now after a few here. Indeed my journal is packed up, and I don't like writing journals in something other than my journal. So blogging is my only real option for getting my thoughts out right now.

Lately I've been thinking about relationships--both friendships and the romantic sort. I think about this often however. I figure it should be easier to build strong relationships and I wonder about the nature of human relationships. What kinds of people attract each other? What is necessary for building strong relationships? What makes to people compatible? Are any two people compatible under the right circumstances? If so, what are those circumstances? It's tricky writing about this stuff because I don't want to talk about my personal connections on such an open medium. Would I want my friends talking about me in-depth on a public blog? I don't know. So I'm going to try to talk through abstractions. Though I don't know what else to say beyond the questions I've posed. Well, I'm feeling better about my friendships. I feel as if I'm meeting people with common interests. But I sure thought that would be a lot easier prior to moving to New York. Now, after experiencing New York life for almost a year it seems to me that there are a lot less people on my same wavelength than I previously thought. But I'm going to continue looking for people who are at least close. I'm not sure how many of those exist. It's quite hard to get a real idea of what kind of people are around me. There are so many of them and it takes a while to really get to know someone.

Another thing: just about no one impresses me. People tell me their passions and goals and I'm disappointed. I want more from people. I want the grandest, most virtuous desires--and the drive to pursue them. To me, life is depressing without this. Why bother living some ordinary, relatively unimportant life? It seems pointless to me. Even achieving large goals in only a particular sector of society disgusts me, since it is limiting and not revolutionary--it leaves so much injustice remaining. I want to tackle the whole grand thing. I can't settle for anything less. I will not conform to less.

It's hard to live a life with these passions. It's one full of disappointments. However, I refuse to lose hope and always rearm and continue the seemingly impossible war. The reason why is simple: there is nothing else worth living for.

Moving Again

I moved out of my old place yesterday and am temporarily staying with a friend until my new place becomes available. Hopefully this move will be the one that actually works out. The third time is the charm, right? But I'm in the suburbs right now, not New York City. I liked it here before due to the many trees and large spread out homes, but now I realize that it feels claustrophobic without the quick access to just about anything, which one has living in most parts of New York City.

I have to figure out what to do during the week I'll be here. I don't think I have my journal with me. I 'll have to check. But a week without my journal would be really frustrating. That's my outlet. If indeed I don't have it I'll likely be blogging a lot more. But back to what I'm going to do this week. Perhaps now is the time to work on my essay for my sociology class. I've been trying to figure out what is worth writing about. I might have the right idea in my head. I'm going to apply the phenomenological point of view to understanding how institution change and solidify. But I also want this work to be very relevant to what we need in today's world for substantive positive change. I think I just need to get writing.

Lets see, what else? Not much actually, just the same old thing. I've been thinking about graduate school and moving out of New York. I'm thinking moving to Seattle and attending the University of Washington for grad school is the thing to do. Though I really like the Economics and Philosophy program at Erasmus University in Rotterdam. I'd like to study there for at least a little while. We'll see what I figure out.

I'm off now. Peace.