More Thoughts

Hello, my friends.

I'll be moving into my new place on Sunday, but I feel much more settled in my temporary place now after a few here. Indeed my journal is packed up, and I don't like writing journals in something other than my journal. So blogging is my only real option for getting my thoughts out right now.

Lately I've been thinking about relationships--both friendships and the romantic sort. I think about this often however. I figure it should be easier to build strong relationships and I wonder about the nature of human relationships. What kinds of people attract each other? What is necessary for building strong relationships? What makes to people compatible? Are any two people compatible under the right circumstances? If so, what are those circumstances? It's tricky writing about this stuff because I don't want to talk about my personal connections on such an open medium. Would I want my friends talking about me in-depth on a public blog? I don't know. So I'm going to try to talk through abstractions. Though I don't know what else to say beyond the questions I've posed. Well, I'm feeling better about my friendships. I feel as if I'm meeting people with common interests. But I sure thought that would be a lot easier prior to moving to New York. Now, after experiencing New York life for almost a year it seems to me that there are a lot less people on my same wavelength than I previously thought. But I'm going to continue looking for people who are at least close. I'm not sure how many of those exist. It's quite hard to get a real idea of what kind of people are around me. There are so many of them and it takes a while to really get to know someone.

Another thing: just about no one impresses me. People tell me their passions and goals and I'm disappointed. I want more from people. I want the grandest, most virtuous desires--and the drive to pursue them. To me, life is depressing without this. Why bother living some ordinary, relatively unimportant life? It seems pointless to me. Even achieving large goals in only a particular sector of society disgusts me, since it is limiting and not revolutionary--it leaves so much injustice remaining. I want to tackle the whole grand thing. I can't settle for anything less. I will not conform to less.

It's hard to live a life with these passions. It's one full of disappointments. However, I refuse to lose hope and always rearm and continue the seemingly impossible war. The reason why is simple: there is nothing else worth living for.